He was trying for a couple of years to get a better job in his field. Tiredness, frustration, low confidence, lack of energy were just a few symptoms he was dealing with when we’ve started the coaching session.
– I’m very good at promoting and helping others, but I just can’t do it for myself. I don’t know what’s happening, he started.
It seemed to me that he was not able to detach from his own situation to have a more unbiased perspective, while he could easily do it for others.
– Let’s play a little game, I’ve suggested. You’ll be giving voice to two different inner selves: the Job Seeker and the Boss. What would the Boss like to say to the Job Seeker? Take on the Boss role and address your words directly to the Job Seeker.
– You’re a smart guy, and you’re determined to get a better position, the Boss started. I see that you put some energy into your job search. Maybe you need to step back a little, to see what’s working and what not, before continuing your job search.
– I can’t, I have no energy left. I don’t know what’s wrong with me – the Job Seeker answered.
– There’s nothing wrong with you. Look at all the progress you’ve done up to now: the information you’ve gathered, networking with people in your field, information interviews. You’re very committed to your job search, you even pay a coach to help you! What do you need to acknowledge all that?
At this point, I’ve asked my client to notice how the Boss feels.
– He’s in charge, feels confident, he likes to be asked for help and being able to help. He doesn’t have all the answers, but he’s confident that they can find the answers together or at least point out important things to consider.
Inviting him to take on the “Job Seeker” role, I asked how that feels like.
– Still frustrated for not getting the expected results, but beginning to realize that in fact that frustration got me into this low energy state. So how can I project a good image in interviews with such low energy?! I can see how being attached to the result (getting a new position), and eager to get it as soon as possible … had, in fact, the opposite effect! Being blinded by my eagerness to get the better position trapped me in a race, not leaving me time to acknowledge and appreciate what was good from this experience.
– Great awareness! And how do you feel right now?
– Much better, I can see now more clearly how I was shooting myself in the foot. 🙂 And why I didn’t get the results I’ve expected. I feel more confident and energized.
– So what do you need from now on to bring this positive feeling back anytime when you’ll feel again frustrated regarding your job search?
– I’ll remind myself of the good things I’ve accomplished until then, and I’ll take a step back to see what’s working, what not, what I can do differently.
– And what will remind you to do all that? 
– I don’t know.
– Do you have any hobbies?
– I LOVE CARS!
– Anyone in particular?
– Mustang.
– Do you also love driving?
– Yes.
– Now I’m curious. What do you enjoy more: driving your Mustang or getting to the destination?
– Driving my Mustang, of course. Oh, I can see where you’re going: I was too attached to getting the result (getting a new job), and didn’t pay too much attention to enjoy the journey!
– Yep, you got it! 🙂 So from now on, your job search is your Mustang. Enjoy your riding! 🙂 It’s not so much about the destination, it’s more about how you feel and who you become in the process.
– Thank you so much! It really feels better now… and I got excited about my ride! 🙂
—
If I would have more time, I would’ve asked him what characteristics of this car he admires most, and how he can bring more of those into his job search. 🙂
For more tips about the job search, check out my award-winning and best-selling books on Amazon:
• Introverts: Leverage Your Strengths for an Effective Job Search
• The Key Factor: Understanding the Employer’s Perspective on Hiring
• Job Fairs: How to Get the Most of Your Participation
Amazon.com/author/gabrielacasineanu
~ Gabriela
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